Recently, ABS was awarded by the Vodafone Telecom as the ‘Most Satisfying Customer’ for the month of February 2011. Trusted sources reveal that his daily expenditure is at least Rs.200 while talking to his ‘somebody special’. He manages to do this even at the world’s cheapest call rates i.e. 50 paise /minute. Your correspondent dropped in at his residence and here is the subsequent talk he had with him:
BP opens the door and gives me threatening looks. I enter cautiously, remembering my previous encounter with him and look out for my man.
(ABS is smiling. He seems very happy.)
Me: Hi! Congratulations for the Vodafone award.
(No response…… Ah! Now the picture is clear: He is talking with her. His face seems tired of smiling and smiling. After all, it is not a mean task to keep your 16 facial muscles smiling always.)
Me: Hi Again! I had talked to you on phone.
ABS (saying to her): OK! wait 4 a sec; I hav 2 go 2 d loo. I’ll call u soon.
Ya. Hi! Sorry 4 d trouble.
Me (Forcedly smiling): This is no trouble as compared to what I faced when I tried to call you. I actually got you in what was meant to be my last attempt at calling you up.
ABS (smiling a little; not daring to test his tired muscles): I’d say u wer quite lucky. VK doesn’t get 2 reach me b4 15 attempts. But 1 thing u wud
agree. Only love-struck pepl can giv such trouble 2 der fellow friendz. This is wat every1 wants 2 fall in2. She’s sooooo loving!
Me: Ya, I have heard she approached the Director during the Mid-Sem Exams. Why was it so?
ABS: Oh! Dat was 4 scrapng d stupid rule of not allowng d use of cell fones durin xams. She requstd him so dat I can tak 2 her while gvng xams.
Me: That was so sweet of her. Hereafter every couple of your college will remember your name bridging the distances between them and their loved
ones during exam time. By the way, your nameplate on the door says your name as ‘Ama ke dim’. What’s that?
ABS(his tired muscles tighten): Dat’s nothng. A misnomer. ‘Dim’ means egg. N I m pure veg. Next ques.
B.P (intervenes, almost shouting): Ya, a veggie who eats eggs. Due to people like you, fish-loving SM (bro of PM) roams around and introduces himself as a pure veggie.
Me: I have heard that while playing volleyball, you give her ‘live’ updates about the scores and shots. How do you manage to do that?
ABS: C, it’s simpl. 1ce u hit d ball, it’s d other team’s turn 2 hit it. So, u r free 4 d hole 10 secs in whch u can xchang atleast 5 sms. Dat’s y, I evn speak in sms lingo now-daz.
Me: Man! You have nerves of steel. Are you not frightened that the ball might hit you?
ABS: Pepl don’t call me D volleyball player 4 nothin. I m vry adept at dodgin d ball. Harry Potter took inspiratn 4m none oder dan me. Dat’s y he can dodge Bludgers so well. As it happns wid gr8 playrs of oder games, I was 1ce d victim of fate. I saw d ball comin. I txtd her, ”it’s my turn. m goin 2 hit”. As soon as I pressd d ‘send ‘ buttn, I got hit! HVD had directd a smash at me n I tastd it.
Me: You have been known to say that your second love is chemistry. Many 10MScrazies have started getting one concept crystal-clear in their mind: They won’t take Chemistry as their major. What’s your take?
ABS: Let’s cmpare it wid math and p6. Der u r bound by d chains of abstrct thngs whch hav no practicl use. Is dis wat u call logic? Chem gives u freedm 2 do watevr u want. If u r confusd bout smthng, jus say resrch is goin on 2 clarfy it. U’ll b corrct wid 90% probab. It is sch a dynmic subjct dat evry concpt is a functn of time. U wanna chnge a paramtr, jus chnge d conditn in wich u r workng. Dat paramtr wont luk d same. Dat’s it. Wat mor do u want 4m a sub?
Me: Just a last question. I have heard that your relationship is strong. You don’t quarrel easily. Once her father had picked ur phone, and u had to bear his brunt. Then also u listened meekly, (oh!sorry) quietly. What’s the secret behind this love recipe?
ABS: R u insultng me or praisng me? Newayz, she is vry undrstndng…
Suddenly , phone rings and ABS face shows utmost dread. He picks up phone slowly.
Her(she’s screaming, so I can hear her voice): U liar! Do u take dis long 2 p? Tell me WHOM ver u talkng 2?